West-Ark Church of Christ
My mother died from an automobile accident 12 years ago this month. There
were no resources to help me understand the painful process of grief. When
my dad died 3 weeks after being diagnosed with lymphoma, I joined a grief
support group. Most of us are ill prepared to deal with grief. We have been
through high school and college learning how to gain in our society, but
have had few, if any, lessons on loss. We have heard many misconceptions and
myths about grief.
Batsell Barrett Baxter has said, "It seems strange, but an almost universal
misconception is that one should avoid mentioning to the bereaved their
recently deceased child or parent, husband or wife, because it might make
them sorrowful. Deep satisfaction often comes from talking about those whom
we have loved so deeply with sympathetic, interested friends." In our recent
support meeting, the question was asked, "How do you feel about others
mentioning your deceased loved one?" Every person in that meeting wanted to
talk about their husband or dad. Amanda Washburn shared our sentiment when
she answered, "I love it when people talk about things my dad has done. I
have learned a lot of things about him after he died that I never knew."
It is important that a bereaved person is able to express his feelings from
his loss in a safe place with people who understand. He needs to share his
memories of when the family circle was whole. We need to only listen for him
to tell his story. Silence from the listener and sometimes a hug can be more
precious than words.
Dr. M. Norvel Young of Pepperdine University in Los Angeles has suggested
six ways to overcome grief.
On the night of Jesus' betrayal, in the garden of Gethsemane, he felt deep
grief as he prayed to his Father. Jesus' death that followed has given us
eternal life when we are obedient to Him. God is grieved when man willfully
rejects Him.
Life in our physical body is a short span of our total existence. When I was
feeling sad from the death of my husband, Lorene Turner said, "What if you
didn't have Christ?" As Christians, death will come to us like a warm
embrace. Roy Dunavin describes death as a birth into a new state. Death for
the Christian is not to be feared anymore than is birth. When the body
ceases to be, the spirit emerges.
For questions or more information on a support group please call the church
office. People who have known suffering and loss have a sensitivity and
understanding of life that gives them compassion and concern for others. We
are concerned for you and we love you.