Learn from all situations, and do not defend personal mistakes. If you want to be a credible leader, seek to be credible in what you do and say. If you pretend that you never make mistakes, people always will be suspicious of you because everyone makes mistakes. Covering mistakes, pretending a mistake is not a mistake, deliberate wrong-doing, and attempts to deceive all destroy credibility. Being human does not destroy credibility.

People used to talk of those who “shot themselves in the foot.” The implication was (and is) that the person suffered from a self-inflicted wound that made him ineffective at best and useless at worst. Satan will provide you enough enemies without you being your own enemy.

Do not expect perfection in yourself, but do not excuse or justify your imperfections. What does that mean? Make it your goal to be the best “you” in Jesus Christ you can be. Know your own weaknesses, and seek to improve them. Use your strengths to help people, not to try to hide your weaknesses. See yourself honestly in the knowledge that you constantly reveal yourself to those you seek to lead.

Following are some practical observations concerning continual goals worthy of consideration by leaders who aspire to effectiveness in leading.


Keep Confidences

If you are effective as a leader, individuals will seek your help. Help when you can help. Know your limitations. Develop a good referral list, and quickly refer when you are bumping your limitations. The fact that the congregation appointed you as a leader does not mean you suddenly, mysteriously have abilities you never had before or that you suddenly, mysteriously possess training without going to classes or studying reliable materials. Do not develop an exaggerated opinion of yourself.

The quickest way to destroy people’s confidence in you is to violate confidence. (1) The elders need to have and subscribe to a clear set of internal agreements that all of them follow in regard to keeping confidences. (2) Wives of elders need to understand the importance of elders keeping confidences before the husband assumes his role as an appointed leader.

My wife always has understood there were matters I could not discuss with her because of confidence. I wanted her to be able to react to others as she always reacted. I wanted her to be able to avoid the awkwardness produced by her knowing something she should not know. Will there be times when people assume she knows something she does not know? Yes. Will some people assume I tell her “everything”? Yes. Will there be times when she is “the last to know” a matter? Yes. However, she understands and is comfortable with the fact that my knowing something she does not know has nothing to do with my love for her or my personal confidence in her.


Work as a Team

Elders do not cease to be individuals when the congregation appoints them to be leaders. They will have private views, hold private conclusions, and subscribe to private understandings. Yet, by appointment in the conviction that they are Christ-like men, they work together. They function together as a team as each adopts team leadership considerations. No one should be appointed to an eldership to function alone as he seeks to discredit the other elders. They work together to serve.

Many congregations have been shredded or have been divided because one man regarded himself as the authoritarian who had to have his way. For one to be an authoritarian while the others seek to work as a team will not work. Internal division (not mere disagreement) in leadership eventually expresses itself in a fractured congregation.

In our society of the twenty-first century, elders must function together as a team for the godly well-being of the congregation. They must not become independent voices who quarrel among themselves or intimidate each other because they see leadership as power rather than service. Elders seek to guide a congregation. They do not receive revelations from God.


Delegate

No one man or small group of men can know and do everything. For example, usually there are people who are gifted at accounting, or know how to care for buildings, or know how to do the work of an attorney, etc.

Elders should identify and utilize the gifts around them. They were appointed to provide spiritual guidance and meet the needs of people. Surely, there should be open accountability! Surely, the elders and the congregation should be kept informed! However, “I do not know about that,” is a good answer if the inquirer can be directed to someone who does “know about that.”


Get the Christian Women’s Perspective

In most congregations today, women compose over 50% of the membership. I personally have known small congregations where women were 100% of the membership. No effective group today would refuse to allow half of its members to provide views or input to be considered.

If an approved means for Christian women in a congregation exists to provide input, and the method is announced, the congregation will benefit from the observations and input of a significant portion of its members.

This is not a suggestion that an unscriptural approach be utilized or that individuals violate a conscience conviction. It is the suggestion that a wise leadership provide everyone in the congregation with a meaningful voice.

Please realize asking a person for input when you already have decided what you will do insults the one who gives input.


Be Honest

There is a terrible temptation to tell a person what he or she wants to hear. Nowhere is this temptation more powerful than in a congregation’s leadership. When (a) an all-volunteer membership is combined with (b) an oversimplified view, it seems to be much easier to say what the person or group wants you to say rather than provide them an understandable explanation. If that is done, will everyone always understand and act with positive, godly attitudes? No. However, if you are open and honest, those with open minds will see the openness and honesty when the heat of the moment dissipates.

Attempts to ignore people, or to confuse people, or to justify self will ultimately be seen as a dedication to dishonesty. As difficult as it is to be honest in awkward situations, it is more difficult to convince the disillusioned of your honesty when the crisis has passed. For you to be effective as a congregational leader, people must believe you and believe in you.


Listen Well

One of the big, common mistakes made by the person seeking leadership effectiveness is a failure to listen. It is so easy to assume you know what a person is going to say before he or she says it. It is so easy to assume the thinking of another person before he or she reveals it. It is so easy to assume another person’s concern before he or she expresses it.

One thing that happens when you speak before you listen is that you sound foolishly judgmental. Prior to hearing the person, you fashion your statement. To you, the statement is wonderful and wise! You are more concerned about pre-empting a criticism than understanding a person. You are convinced that your statement will end the situation you dread before that situation occurs. You congratulate yourself on all the time you will save. When the person comes, before listening, you blurt out your wonderful, wise statement in the full confidence that you have an accurate understanding.

When it is too late to alter the impression you've made, you discover that your wonderful statement missed the point. You discover you did not understand the person or his (her) thinking and reasoning. Suddenly you sound like a judgmental person who stereotypes others. You sound like someone who is afraid of criticism, or who cannot tolerate concerns that did not originate with him. You look like a control freak, you sound like a control freak, and you are acting like a control freak. Sadly, you have produced a picture of yourself that is inaccurate and is not at all the “you” you are. Even sadder, you may not have opportunity to change that inaccurate picture.

Before you speak or make a decision, listen. Listen to hear and understand. Commonly, people associate fairness with a willingness to listen.


Avoid Reactions

In communication (which is critical to effective leadership), reaction is usually emotional. First, I react (emotionally respond with my initial impression), then I reflect (begin to consider “what this means”—a mixture of emotion and factual examination), and finally I evaluate (principally consider facts and logic).

In my life, I use what I call the “48 hour rule.” First, I emotionally react (everyone has personal likes and dislikes). Second, I reflect (“My feelings aside, what is this about?”) Third, I evaluate (“What are the facts and logic I should consider in my commitment to Christian honesty?”).

In my life, I find that I get to the evaluation stage in around 36 hours. By observing 48 hours, I grant myself some time to research and think. For everyone, the stages are the same, but the time spent in the stages is unique to the individual. All I suggest is that you give yourself some time before taking a stand or making a decision.

I have found that statements or decisions made in stages one and three are not the same. I find that I am much more likely to make statements or decisions I regret in stage one. I have found that I make my better statements or decisions when I am in the evaluation stage. Although we all go through stage one, congregations are blessed by leadership when leaders are patient enough to reach stage three before acting.

Lead from the heart by letting the heart belong to God. Always learn God’s principles. Always learn God’s values. Always learn God’s ways. Never stop learning, loving, and serving.

Chapter Fourteen Chapter Sixteen

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